After five very long years my mother passed at 92. I say long five years because she was institutionalized for her dementia which had gotten severe. Mom was a saver and very diligent about doing the right things. She had prepared for her future by purchasing a package from a local Funeral Home. Her wish was to be cremated. She had socked away nearly $100,000 for her retirement.
I know she did not intend for her funds to be used in a facility for the mentally impaired. In fact in the beginning when she began to understand her failing memory and became fearful of what that would look like, she asked me to shoot her in the head. It is common for and elder to not want to be a “burden” on their family.
Five long years at $5000 a month for a semi-private room took it all. I am thankful she had that money as I am still working long hours and the trial period of me taking care of her at home proved to be nearly impossible as she resisted anything I tried to do for her,. Eventually she became incontinent, and non-ambulatory, and Covid came and she spent months without family visitation unless through a window or computer. She fell multiple times and dislocated a shoulder and banged herself up.
When is it okay to facilitate a moving on when the body and mind is already decayed and there is no quality of life? Her prison was indeed profound,, carried to bed and to the toilet, unable to do anything for herself and a lack of knowing who one is and where they are.
These places….a warehouse for the dying and sometimes staff not doing a good job of keeping them clean or preventing falls. I called in Hospice for her last 6 months who did a better job of taking care of her failing body and mind. Sometimes…just sometimes… I wonder what it would be like to send off a confused in pain parent by medications, like we do our beloved pets. I wrestle morally whether waiting on God is the correct position to take.
Lulu! I’m so sorry about your mom. Her long wait is over to meet our maker. Let me know if you need anything!
God Bless your sweet spirit sister …all is good
Bless you Rita,,, all is good
The passing of Angela Marie yesterday was a profoundly sad but merciful close to her long sufferance with end life dimentia. As a family we celebrate the fine life she led and the love she shared with us all, and together we would have done anything to save her from these last years of physical and mental isolation. As a society we struggle with the same challenge and have thus far found no other acceptable options. Once our ageing family members are past the legal definition of being cognizant they lose the option to choose a physician assisted end when allowed. Right now we are offered no other choices. For five years I cared for my mother in my home who also suffered from dimentia. At the end she forgot how to swallow so it was painfully slow. Emotionally as a family we are tasked to suffer along with them, and bid them a blessed farwell when death comes. But we continue to carry their good lives in out memories until it is our turn to follow. God bless you Angela…you live in our memories.
Such sweet commentary you added ….so appreciate your words. Love Lu
Well written, thank you for your thoughtful words
Since we have not been in touch for a bit , I want to say how sorry I am for the last couple of stress and trauma you have endured. I empathize with you, and wish a dignified, peaceful death was afforded to us all.
I’m hoping you have some joy filled days ahead .
J Rachelle 🙏❤️🙏
Thank You and I would love to lunch some day at my house if you are up to it!
Thanks for reading xxoo